Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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