Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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