No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I deserve this hangover.
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