She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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