She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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