if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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