Can i not drive my cunt home
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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