Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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