Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize