tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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