She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
