Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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