so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
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