That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
