Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
