he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
