Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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