I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize