Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
