i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
