I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
