Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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