see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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