So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
