just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
