I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
