I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I think my moral compass just broke
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize