i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
