Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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