hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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