Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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