420 ftw
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
