FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
