there's paper in my vomit.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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