u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
