god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
only you would photoshop your dick
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
