she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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