4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize