Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
