please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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