just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
