The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
