I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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