The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
