It's a beautiful day for a hangover
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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