Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
