this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
