so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
