Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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