we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
