We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
