I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
