I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
