Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
