I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
