Whod you bang
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
