Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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