I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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