There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize