She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
