i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
