I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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