Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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