I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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