Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
