i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
