You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
