What did we do last night that was yellow?
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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