remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
so let's talk penis.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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