Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
