My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
