I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
