I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
