ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
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