Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
