she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize