As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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