This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
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