cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
