Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
