We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
