I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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